photo by lockstockb @ stock.xchng

“When the dog bites, when the bee stings, when I’m feeling sad, I simply remember my favorite things, and then I don’t feel so bad.”  These lyrics from The Sound of Music’s “My Favorite Things” hold a lot of wisdom.

In their workshops, happiness researchers Rick Foster and Greg Hicks found that simply listing the things that give them a sense of happiness improved people’s moods.

They call it the process of identification and say that making the effort to become aware of the things that bring you feelings of pleasure, joy and satisfaction is an act of supreme kindness toward yourself.

Often when we set out on a journey of self-exploration, we focus on our weaknesses, on the shadow sides of ourselves, on the places that need improvement.  But research in positive psychology is showing that we actually make more progress in developing a genuine sense of well-being when we look at the other side of the coin—the bright and shiny side.

How Happiness Hides

While you may think you are quite aware of the things that give you a sense of well-being, listing them often takes a little more effort that you might have guessed.  Our worlds are so stressed and rushed, that our own good feelings often take a back seat to our do-lists and the demands of work, family life and daily living.  We lose sight of the things that produce joy for us.

Sometimes we hold hidden beliefs that create resistance to exploring the sources of our joy.  We might think it’s superficial or self-indulgent to be focused on life’s pleasures when so much outside ourselves calls so urgently for our attention.  We might be holding on to a belief that our circumstances are so dire that being happy is the least of our concerns right now, or that they’re so limiting that happiness is beyond our reach.

If you suspect that any of these things might be the case for you, remember that cultivation of positive emotions broadens your perceptions and builds your resilience.  You’re much better able to handle stress, for instance, when you’re happy, to see more options for solving problems and to succeed at whatever task is before you.

And if self-growth is one of your goals, you really need to ask yourself how aware you can be if you only know your dark or sides.  The well-examined life, after all, is one that looks at all aspects of our experience.

Another obstacle to our awareness of the happiness factors in our lives is the tendency for us to give preference to the things that please the significant others in our lives.  We let partners or children determine what we’ll eat, or what music we’ll play, what shows we’ll watch on TV.  We can suppress our own preferences for so long that we forget what they are.

Discovering Your Happiness Factors: The Practice

The goal of this happiness practice is to build your awareness of the activities, situations, directions and things that create feelings of pleasure, ease, engagement, delight, satisfaction, fun, or joy.

Ultimately, you will want to be so attuned to your preferences that at any give moment throughout the day you can ask yourself which, of all the options before you, would please you the most.

Step One:

• To begin, set aside fifteen minutes or so when you can be undisturbed.  Have a pen and paper handy or open a blank screen in your word processor.
• Take a few minutes to relax physically.  Close your eyes, relax your muscles, and just breathe.  Be aware that these few minutes are just for you, for fun, to find out more about the things that you enjoy.
• Then, set a timer of some kind, and for 4-5 minutes, write down everything you can think of that generates feelings of happiness and well-being for you.  What kind of environments do you like to be in?  Are you happiest when you’re with someone?  Anyone in particular?  What kinds of people?  Or do you prefer solitude?  What activities do you enjoy?  What kinds of adventures or leisure activities turn you on?  What do you like to read? Hear? Watch?  What do you like to eat?  What kinds of clothes do you like to wear?  Do you have a hobby or a neglected hobby?  Some interest you enjoy learning about?  What kind of work do you enjoy?  Think about the things you did as a kid that were fun and how those might translate into your present life.
• Write as quickly as you can, and when you get stuck, relax again and finish the sentence, “I really enjoy . . .”  or “Something I haven’t done in a really long time is . . .”
• Stay at it for the entire 4-5 minutes.  If you run out of time, just continue to be relaxed and let your mind drift.

Step Two:

• Take note of how you feel now that you have made your initial inventory.  Are you pleased? Frustrated?  Interested in finding out more?
• Review what you wrote and see what stands out.  Are there any patterns?  Are these things truly reflective of you?  Are they really your preferences?

That’s all there is to it.  The important part of the practice isn’t the list you made, but the exercise of identifying the things that produce happiness for you.  Making a written list is an ice-breaker exercise of sorts, intended to get you thinking about the kinds of things that creative positivity in your experience.

Practice thinking about your likes and preferences in random moments throughout your day—during your commute, while you’re waiting in line, as you exercise, just before you fall asleep.

Make it a goal to become exquisitely familiar with the things that bring you satisfaction and joy.  The more awareness of them you build, the more likely you are to choose them when opportunity permits and to make time for them in your life.  And your life will become more joyful and richer every time you do.

Your Turn

Just for fun, share some of your discoveries here.  What items on your list took you by surprise?  Which ones made you laugh?   What did making the list feel like for you?