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Happy Gusts of Kindness

At the beginning of the year, just out of curiosity, I decided to keep track of my spending.   I learned long ago that the business saying “if you can’t track it, you can’t manage it” is true.

Seeing little bits of your life written out in a log gives you interesting insights into your behavior—especially automatic behaviors that you do with little thought.  Tracking things brings them into your awareness; you begin to pay attention—to operate in a more mindful way in that area of your life.

If you want to change your eating patterns, for example, keeping a written list of everything you eat will give you a lot of guidance about where you can begin.   You’ll see where you’re operating mindlessly.

I began tracking my spending with the assumption that I was fairly careful about it.  But we’re all pretty good at assuming things about ourselves that aren’t necessarily true.  I thought it would be interesting to see what the numbers actually revealed.

So last Tuesday, as I was coming out of the grocery store with a full cart of goods, I was dismayed when a huge gust of wind caught the register tape that was sitting on one of the bags and blew it down the sidewalk.  “Oh!” I said out loud in surprise.

“Was that yours?” a man asked.

“Yes!” I said.  And he began running after it.

But the wind wasn’t giving up.  The little paper blew danced across a street and skittered into an adjacent parking lot. The man wasn’t giving up either.  He dodged traffic and followed that piece of paper until it finally came to rest under a parked car.  And then he got down on his hands and knees and stretched under the car to retrieve it.

I applauded and told him he got the Sir Galahad medal as my hero of the day.

He beamed proudly as he handed it to me and said, “You have a happy day!”  I told him he had certainly got it off to a happy start.

And he truly had!  That a stranger would go to such lengths to retrieve a grocery slip—something most people toss away without a glance–showed me in a very real way how powerful one little act of kindness can be.  I was genuinely touched.

And seeing how he beamed as he handed it to me was proof that the giver of kindness gets as much as he gives.

I kept the receipt on my desk all week, long after I’d sorted the items into categories—groceries, cat food, household goods—and entered them in my log.  Every time I glanced at it, I grinned at the picture of the man chasing it in the wind.

I suppose he forgot all about it as his day went on.  But I’ve sent him silent wishes for a happy day every day since.

Kindness is an amazing thing.  Those little acts of consideration generate a happiness that just goes on and on.

Oh, and by the way, it turns out that I am fairly well in control of my spending.  And I’m noticing the occasional impulses when they sneak up on me, too.  I don’t always say no to them.  You have to do little acts of kindness for yourself, too, after all.

Wishing you a week where the winds of kindness blow mightily and gift you with happy surprises.

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Opening to Answers

Back at the beginning of the year, I wrote an article on the power of asking positive questions.  But I didn’t tell the whole story because it borders on the woo-woo.

Personally, I love probing past the boundaries of the currently measurable world and playing with unproven possibilities.  But there’s a big cloud of superstition and wishful thinking out there on the edges of things, and I’m careful not to let either of them seep into my formal articles.

Anyway, the rest of the story about asking positive questions is that the answers can come to you in some pretty “coincidental” ways.   You casually pick up a book you’ve never read, open it randomly and find exactly what you were looking for in the paragraph that your finger just happens to land on.  Every time you turn on the radio, the same song is playing, and you suddenly realize the lyrics are telling you what you wanted to know.

In my blog here, I told two stories this week about answers that came to my question “Why am I feeling more energized now?”  (Winter came with a vengeance this week, bringing a couple power outages in tow, and I developed a nasty case of the grumpies.)

The first answer came to me while I was shuffling through a stack of quotations, reminding me that I knew how to change mental rooms.   The second one arrived in a newsletter and reignited my dreams.

Writer Robert Scheinfeld says our individual minds are like personal computers connected to the internet of all the worlds’ minds (past, present and interdimensional).  When we ask for information, search engines race out for the answers and deliver them to us in whatever way they can.

Some say it’s “the universe,” responding to our requests.  Others say our brains are wired to notice what we’re searching for.  (Although that doesn’t explain picking out just the right book from the shelf or hearing the same song three times in a row.)

In the end, the “why” doesn’t matter.  What matters is that if you ask, expecting an answer, you will receive one.  The key is not to put limitations on the form the answer will take.  Let it appear in its own way.  Give it permission to surprise you.

My Questions for You

Speaking of questions, I have a couple for you, and your answers will be a huge help to me in deciding what to address in future articles that will be most meaningful to my readers.  Will you help me?

I’m curious about what things you see standing in the way of your living your absolute best life, either in your personal life or on the job.  What irritates, or frustrates, or worries you? Is anything discouraging you or making you sad?  What problem would you most like to solve?  What’s keeping you from moving forward or makes you feel stuck?

Please leave your answers as a comment below now, while it’s on your mind, will you?

Thanks for your help. And thanks just for being you, and for being a part of the Positive-Living-Now readership.

Wishing you a week where the answers flow freely and make you glad.

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Ready for a Spring Clean?

Here’s February, with Valentine’s Day plunked right in its center, rippling out love in all directions.  Why, you can feel it even here at the month’s brand new edges!

I did some poking around, and it turns out that the origins of the holiday are hazy, to say the least.  But who needs a why to celebrate love?   Let’s all fall in love with life itself and live happily ever after.

I did learn some interesting things about February, though, while I was digging into ancient history.  Turns out it’s named after an obscure Roman god, “Februus”, or goddess, “Juno Februtis” (depending on whose version you prefer)   who symbolized purification.

Because Spring was coming, and Spring was considered the start of the year back then, February  was the time to get rid of the dusty, worn, stale stuff so you could make a fresh start.  (That’s where the whole idea of spring cleaning started.)

I kind of like putting the two ideas together.  We could make February a time for getting rid of the old, stale stuff that’s cluttering up our hearts and minds to make way for a fresh start at loving.  We could toss out the grudges, and irritations, and the dusty old stories from the past.  We could sweep out the worn hurts and complaints and the dreary limitations, and make way for love fill their places instead.

We could just make every day a day for love, and pass out valentines to the whole world.  We could practice letting our hearts be softer, and more open.  We could feel more tenderness and compassion for each other—and for ourselves, as well.   We could wish everyone well (even ourselves) and extend more kindness.

We could be more willing to see the beauty and goodness in each other.  We could look for reasons to praise and celebrate in place of our criticisms and complaints.

We could wear our hearts on our sleeves and dance down the halls to love’s song.

We could forgive more completely.  We could appreciate more.

We could start every day grinning at the face in the mirror and just let our smiles spread out from there.

All it would take is a prayer to old Februus and a good old fashioned spring clean of the stuff that’s in our way.

I say let’s go for it.  You in?

 

Graphic: stock.xchng

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Contemplating the Big Questions

Welcome!  I’m so glad you’ve come to share some time with me. I can use some good company today.

That yo-yo I told you about last week went into its down swing this week.  I chalked it up to the gloomy weather.  I have a personal theory that we humans are more closely related to bears than we know and that we’re supposed to spend winter hibernating, dreaming of next spring’s berry crop.

But to be honest, it was more than just the weather.  As I shared with you last week, a friend of mine is waiting to learn the results of a recent CT scan.  He’s been coughing nonstop. He has a history of asbestos exposure.

“Don’t be surprised,” his physician’s assistant said to him this week, “if it turns out to be lung cancer.”

So I’ve been contemplating the Big Questions this week, the ones loom large before you when you’re reminded that yes, all of us really do die.

They’re not new questions.   I’ve had more than one dance with them over the years.  But they take on different textures each time they appear.

It’s life’s way of bringing us face to face with the realization that all we really have to go on is faith.

Faith in what?   In the feeling you have in your deepest core that whether your stories about who we are, and how we came to be, what it’s all for, and what happens next are true or not, it’s really all okay.  And not just okay.  Somehow, it’s incredibly perfect and beautiful.

I heard that when Steve Jobs died, his last words were, “Wow…. Oh, Wow…Wow.”   I think that’s what we will all say at the end of our individual journeys here.

And I think that, deep inside, we all know that.  It’s what gives us the courage to go about our days’ routines and adventures as if we’ll go on forever, even when we have nothing but faith to tell us that it’s so.

But as my friend’s situation is reminding me, while the essence of me may continue on, the me who I am right now will die.  So the Big Questions begin to focus in:  Who do I want to be while I am here?  How do I want to live?  What do I want my life to mean?

I think that’s mortality’s gift to us—the opportunity it brings us to ask ourselves those kinds of questions now and then.   Confronting the fact that life is precious and fleeting lets us see it as the priceless gift that it is, and to value it and to resolve anew to use it as fully, as creatively, as beautifully as we can—moment, by moment, by moment.

I’ve been asking, too, what I can do to support and comfort my friend.  It turns out that if you do a search on the question, “How to support a dying friend” you get a lot of beautiful information:  Be there.  Listen.  Do what you can to lighten the load.  Say what’s in your heart.

When you think about it, that’s what all of us what from each other: someone who’s willing to be wholly present with us, listening to what we have to say, lending a helping hand, and saying what’s in their hearts.

So it’s been a somber, thoughtful week for me.  But it’s brought a lot of meaning and beauty to my awareness, too.

The down-dips of the yo-yo are as precious as the up-swings.   It’s all life.  It’s all priceless.

Wishing you life’s best as the week unfolds.

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YoYo on an Escalator

Welcome New Readers!  Glad to have you aboard!  And a warm welcome to old friends, too; it wouldn’t be the same without you.

I brought hot chocolate and cookies today.  Come sit by the fire with me and have some.  The marshmallows are right over there . . .

So, how’s the New Year been treating you?  Are your dreams still shining for you?

I’ve had a roller coaster kind of week myself.  After four months of intense study, I turned in my final exam for my positive psychology coaching certification.  That was a high.   Then I got the news that a good friend I’ve known for 20 years may have an incurable illness.  And that broke my heart.

Mostly it was an ordinary week, with some good stuff, some not so much.  Some hearty laughs, some frustrations, some moments that touched my heart, some that riled me.  You know: life.

I’ve been keeping a “three good things” journal for several months now, writing down three of each day’s highlights before I go to sleep at night.  And I must say it’s a great way to keep your perspective when the balance of your day leans toward the “not so much” side of things.  Not only does it make you poke around through the hours until you realize that three good things did happen, but after a while, you’re holding a book in your hands that holds page after page of life’s moments of grace, accomplishment, beauty and joy.

I was thinking about the richness of emotions we experience in the course of a week, all the highs and lows, the varying in-betweens.   Sometimes people think that those of us who work on building our positivity shut ourselves off to the feelings that fall in the lower range of the scale. But that’s not how it works.

All feelings are valid; they all serve a purpose and provide us with information.  Even the negative ones.  Being positive doesn’t mean you throw the negative out.    It means that you honor them enough to welcome them at your table, to hear what they have to say. It means you stay open to their lessons so you they don’t have to constantly recur.

Yes, it means that you celebrate the positive feelings when they dance through and give them their rightful due.  And it means that you cultivate an outlook that nourishes and invites them so they’ll come more frequently and stay a little longer.

And when you do that, a magical thing happens.  The good feelings begin to outweigh the negative ones.  And when the balance reaches a certain point (Studies say it’s a ratio of 3 to 1.), you find yourself living on an upward spiral where the positive feeds itself and grows and grows and grows.

Sad things still make you sad.  Injustice still makes you angry.  Loss still makes your hurt.  You still have Murphy’s Law days.  You still get scared and feel your doubts and have your times of confusion.

But when you stop and look back at how the negative states feel now compared to how they felt before you began cultivating your happiness, you notice that the negativity isn’t devastating any more.  You feel it; but now it doesn’t own you.  It is what it is; it doesn’t generalize to color your whole day.

The yoyo of emotions still rolls up and falls down, but you’re riding the up escalator now, so the highs are higher and the lows are nowhere near where they were before.   And every level that you pass holds more beautiful treasures than the one before.

It’s worth the work.

And it’s even better when you have good  friends along for the ride.

So thanks for joining me.   I’m so glad you’re here!

More hot chocolate?

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